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This Bonehead (Named David Sedaris!) Told a Fan Her Dog Was Going to Die

This Bonehead (Named David Sedaris!) Told a Fan Her Dog Was Going to Die

In light of his recent actions, there is only one thing we have to say to David Sedaris:

Stop telling people their dogs are going to die, David Sedaris!

Photo via Wikipedia

David Sedaris. (Photo via Wikipedia)

Let us explain: You know how some people are blessed with an amazing talent that they nurture and develop until they become wildly famous and start telling people their dogs are going to die?


Well, let us introduce you to David Sedaris!

The writer, who has made millions of people laugh throughout the years, recently made one woman cry. For telling her that her dog was going to die.

And then he drew her a picture of her dog’s tombstone!

Before we tell you the story, be warned: If David Sedaris is among your favorite writers, you are about to go through a bad time, so get a cold glass of water and find a nice place to sit.

Here we go. According to radio station WCYY, a woman who worked in the sales department at the station went to a David Sedaris book-signing in October. Karen. She brought one of David’s books, Me Talk Pretty One Day. She waited in line, stepping forward every so often, until she was face to face with the humorist.

Who was not feeling humorous. 

Their exchange follows, courtesy of her Facebook page:

DS: “What’s your name?”
Me: “Karen”
DS: “Do you have children?”
Me: “I have a dog”
DS: “What’s his name?”
Me: “Cosmo”
DS: “How old?”
Me: “He’s 12.”
DS: “Oh, he’ll die soon. Yes, he’s 12, he’ll die soon.”

He’ll die soon! David Sedaris told this woman who works in sales at a radio station that her dog would die soon!

And then he drew a tombstone with “R.I.P. Cosmo” on it.

And then he drew the weeds that would grow there because “she’d forget about him and get another puppy.”

And then we threw up.


Photo via WCYY

Don’t be a bonehead, David Sedaris. You’re too funny for that.

Read about more boneheads on Dogster:

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These Boneheads Tried to Castrate Their Dog With a Rubber Band

These Boneheads Tried to Castrate Their Dog With a Rubber Band

Most dog owners know that castrating a dog is not something you consult the Internet about, searching for home remedies. But if you’re a bonehead, all bets are off. Franklin Larkins Jr. and Kimberlin Rogers of Lewis County, New York, are grade-A boneheads. The 22-year-olds attempted to castrate their dog at home with a rubber band.

Fortunately, Lewis County sheriff’s deputies know what to do with boneheads like Franklin and Kimberlin. When they got to their house and found a 7-seven-month-old Beagle with a rubber band around his testicles, they put cuffs on the pair, arresting them for animal cruelty. Then they took the dog to Countryside Vet Clinic, where he was treated, according to


The cutest Beagle puppy we could find on Shutterstock.

You might be wondering: A rubber band? Well, it turns out that boneheads trying to avoid a vet bill have been taking the lead of farmers, who use elastic bands specifically designed for the neutering of livestock.

But dogs are not livestock. And boneheads — like our idiot 22-year-olds — are not farmers skilled in neutering animals. Obviously, the forced strangulation of testicles with a rubber band causes pain and suffering to dogs and is unbelievably rife with complications.

“This is not an acceptable practice in dogs,” Kaley Pugh, the manager of protection services for the Saskatchewan Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, said in 2012. “They really do suffer a lot when you do this to them.”

Back then, the SSPCA had to deal with a rash of boneheads in the Canadian province attempting home castration, and in five cases Pugh saw “horrific injuries to the dogs,” according to a CBC News article.

“It made me really sad, and it’s unfortunate that animals have to go through this,” she said.


A screengrab of one of the rescued Saskatchewan dogs.

And there are other cases out there that are just as awful. Also in 2012, a dog was taken to a veterinary clinic in Billings, Montana, with mysterious injuries and profuse bleeding. As vets began to operate, they discovered just how bad this “home remedy” can be for dogs.

“As we started to do more surgery, we realized that we probably… we found a rubber band… and that maybe they had actually tried to band the testicles on an adult male dog,” said Chris Anderson, executive director of the Yellowstone Valley Animal Shelter, according to Huffington Post.

“And the dog, literally, chewed its testicles off.”

Thank goodness the Lewis County Sheriff’s Office got to the idiot 22-year-olds before they could do any more damage to their 7-month-old Beagle, who the police reported noted was also not licensed or rabies vaccinated.

Read about more boneheads:

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PETA’s War on Pit Bulls Is Not Ethical or Good for Animals

PETA’s War on Pit Bulls Is Not Ethical or Good for Animals

Full disclosure: I do not like PETA. Over the years, I’ve come to expect the very worst from it, and I’m rarely disappointed in that. Not only does it have a long-established reputation for ad campaigns that are racist, sexist, and body-shaming, the group is bad for animals. PETA opposes no-kill shelters as “cruel” and has killed thousands of animals over the years. Last year, two volunteers from PETA drove up to a Virginia man’s house while he was out and took his Chihuahua from the porch; within three days, the dog had been euthanized. PETA apologized with a fruit basket.

According to the policy of PETA and anti-pit activists, this is where Pit Bulls belong, and this is where they will stay. (Pit Bull in Cage via Shutterstock)

According to the policy of PETA and anti-Pit Bull activists, this is where these dogs belong, and this is where they will stay. (Pit Bull in cage by Shutterstock)

In that context, its latest controversial act may be outrageous, but it’s not surprising. PETA has thrown its support behind National Pit Bull Victim Awareness Day, an Oct. 24 event that doesn’t even bother hiding or apologizing for its breed-specific stigmatizing. The website for National Pit Bull Victim Awareness Day crams every media stereotype about Pit Bulls into a very small space:

Pit Bull attacks have increased 773 percent in seven years, yet the public continues to be encouraged by Pit Bull enthusiasts, online sites, news stories, social media, and TV reality shows to believe that Pit Bulls are safe family pets. They are not. Infants, toddlers, and the elderly are particularly vulnerable to Pit Bull attacks. The collateral costs include life flights, lifesaving interventions, plastic surgeries, burials, and mental health costs for post-surgical trauma and PTSD.

The agenda for the event includes:

  • A call for mandatory spay-neutering of Pit Bull-type dogs
  • Advocacy for breed-specific legislation (BSL)
  • Support for education about the genetic inheritance of canine aggression in Pit Bull-type dogs

PETA’s response to the inevitable criticism that’s come via social media has been to retweet a 2009 blog entry explaining their position on Pit Bulls. In an example of doublespeak that would make George Orwell scratch his head, the piece starts out with the declaration: “To clarify PETA’s position on Pit Bulls: We’re for ’em.”

For them? How? The blog piece goes on to claim that PETA advocates the protection of Pit Bulls from being used in dogfights, being abused by breeders, and turned into cheap security systems. The way to do this, PETA claims, is through breed-specific legislation, the very solution that is not only rejected but actively opposed by every reputable animal rights organization in the world.

Its case is primarily made not through facts, but through hideous, gut-churning photographs of dogs who have been abused, starved, and mutilated by humans. I see pictures like this almost every day, and I still don’t get used to them. But they’re no excuse for spreading misinformation and hysteria about an entire breed. I can understand why PETA uses them, though; its entire media strategy as a whole has been based on sensationalism, and in this case in particular, it doesn’t have any facts to support its case. It can only be made through half-truths and hideous pictures of abuse designed to strike at the emotions.

Even if we accept PETA’s claim that, “In fact, PETA’s stance on Pit Bulls is consistent with our support for a ban on breeding all dogs and all cats as long as animals in shelters are literally dying for a good home,” this particular action doesn’t pass the smell test. National Pit Bull Victim Awareness Day is based on the idea that there is no such thing as responsible Pit Bull ownership. Pit Bulls, organizers say, are inherently vicious — not because of human cruelty or fear, but because that viciousness is bred in the bone. The only solution is to eliminate the breed by sterilizing the ones alive now and banning the breeding of any younger ones.

Read the website or the press release from National Pit Bull Victim Awareness Day, and you could imagine that America is under attack. It is filled from beginning to end with stories and statistics that seem to show that Pit Bulls are bloodthirsty beasts who are just hungering to rip out your organs — or those of your children. If you read it as fact, there is no way you would ever take home a Pit from the shelter. Any Pit Bull living in a shelter would eventually die there. In fact, that’s already the story of many Pits. PETA is only increasing the misery of animals, not only through sponsoring this event, but by its long-term support of breed-specific legislation.

Pit Bull Puppy, 4 mos via Shutterstock

Shelters are filled with Pit Bulls who would make excellent pets. (Pit Bull Puppy by Shutterstock)

In conclusion, I want to quote what blogger VicktoryMom wrote in response to PETA:

Why am I writing this post? It is certainly not to minimize the sense of loss families feel when a loved one dies in this horrific manner. It is to make sure people realize that the name PETA does NOT make these groups any more credible. All it does is help show the world what PETA has become … a killing machine. Killing a dog because of how he looks is not ethical. Judging a dog by appearance not behavior isn’t animal welfare. And depriving an animal of a loving home is certainly not Animal Rights.

For me, that says it all. It’s long past time that animal lovers stopped giving PETA credibility. What do you think?

Read more commentary from Chris Hall:

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No Snow for Iditarod Race

No Snow for Iditarod Race


Iditarod race 2015

No Snow for Iditarod Race

An unseasonably warm winter has left places of the Iditarod trail in Alaska without snow, forcing the famous dogsled race to move 225 miles north.

Opening ceremonies began on Saturday in Anchorage with the race starting on Monday. This year mushers will cross the starting line in Fairbanks instead of Willow, the traditional starting point.
Alaska's weather

This is only the second time in the race’s 43-year history that the starting point has moved from Willow to Fairbanks because of weather-related issues, the last time was in 2003.

Race director Mark Nordman said, “If I have one more person say to me to move the Iditarod to Boston, I’m going to shake my head.”

This year’s race will has 78 mushers, including six former champions and 20 rookies this year.

The racing course covers a 1,000-mile trail across Alaska ending in Nome. The race usually takes 10 days to complete, Dallas Seavey finished the race last year in a record time of eight days, 13 hours.

The lack of snow is blamed on the jet stream that brought warm air from the Pacific to the region, said Dave Snider with the National Weather Service in Anchorage.

He said, “It’s the same weather pattern that brought the east coast such snowy and cold weather this season. Alaska was simply on the warmer side of this weather pattern.”




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